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I would sleep with my other male cousin in his bedroom for a short time until she was entirely convinced that it was safe for me to go back.

The next event that took place wasn't specifically responsible for the cause of another abuse that would last for several years, but it's what gave someone an opportunity to take advantage of me.

I begged my aunt not write the letter to my parents telling them about the sexual abuse, but she did anyway.

I arrived in New York in , only a few weeks after my brother was born. I clearly remember confronting my mother for leaving me behind in Central America but never mentioned the gang rape.

One winter night, a month or so after my arrival, my father insisted on taking me to the pharmacy store to pick up a medicine for my brother since he had a high temperature at the time.

My mother agreed, so I went. I was a bit confused when my father parked the car on the side of the street. He took out a letter from his jacket and told me that he knew everything that had happened to me in El Salvador.

He promised that he would show it to my mother if I did not allow him to touch my private area. Different emotions ran through me. I felt confused, shocked, and scared simultaneously.

It was bad enough that he knew about the sexual abuse, even though he didn't know the specific details since I never revealed them to my aunt.

I had to protect myself, keep the secret hidden from my mother. It would have been considered embarrassing to me if she ever, somehow, found out.

He put his hands inside my pants and started touching me. It only lasted a few minutes. I did not know at the time that this was only the beginning of many more years of abuse to come.

I was six years old, and the sexual abuse stopped when I was twelve. I was raised in a Christian family, a Seventh Day Adventist. It was at the church where I was taught to show obedience and respect to my parents at all times.

I, however, found many beliefs of this denomination a little too eccentric and extreme for me. Ordinary activities many people enjoy were considered forbidden, from dancing to attending a theater.

Because of this, as a child and as a teenager, I felt as if my parents were being too overprotective. I wasn't able to experience as much freedom as I wanted to.

It was not until I was in the fifth grade that I learned that what my father was doing to me in private was not only considered wrong, but also illegal.

Before I knew this, I thought it was normal behavior between father and son that was meant to be kept a secret. I used to sit in back of the church and would watch church members walk up to my father, shake his hand, and smile.

I, on the other hand, was looked at as being awkward, an introvert who always wore a jacket and sat in back of the church with his head down drawing.

If only they knew the truth who my father really was, I used to tell myself. He wore an invisible mask in front of these people and could easily fool them with his charming personality.

I was the only one aware that he was hiding behind a mask. Once a lady at church approached my mother privately and told her that she suspected that I had been sexually abused.

She based her conclusion on my quiet, shy personality and also the fact that I was always using excessive amount of dark shading in my drawings.

I used to shade my drawings so much that it was difficult to tell exactly what I had drawn. She wasn't a psychiatrist but was taking college courses to earn a degree in psychology.

She advised my mother to take me to see a professional therapist. My mother told my father about this, and he refused.

The sexual abuse began only with molestation during the first years and later to other sexual acts, which included oral and intercourse.

The molestation was done when my mother wasn't home or when she wasn't in the same room we were in. The other sexual acts took place in a very wealthy home in Oyster Bay, New York, at my father's work.

These mansions were spread far apart from each other and surrounded by nature for privacy. It was here where my father used to take me on Sundays.

His bosses, an Italian couple, were never home on this day. My father did a variety of jobs which included mowing the lawn, tending the garden, and other labor and maintenance work.

The sexual abuse began as a game. An upstairs room with a couple of couches, a screen TV, and a video game console system is where the abuse took place most of the time.

On one side of the room were sliding glass doors that led to a balcony. It had a good view of the swimming pool, the flowers, and trees that surrounded it.

All of the curtains were closed before the sexual abuse began. My father would start off by making a deal with me. He would allow me to play video games if I agreed to let him perform sexual acts on me.

Excited as any child would be when given the opportunity to play one of his favorite games, I easily gave in. One of the worst memories I have of the sexual abuse is being taken to the attic when I was around ten years old.

It was very dark inside, and I kept having thoughts in my head that I wasn't going to make it out back alive.

Sometimes he became aggressive when I didn't let him have his way, but he never physically abused me while having sex. If he kills me, I thought to myself, I would no longer exist.

I do not remember exactly what I was thinking about during the abuse. It was like my mind wasn't there. It was painful, and I cried just like many other times, but he never stopped.

I managed to withstand the physical pain, and was glad once I left the attic. He took a picture of me once, right after he had finished abusing me and I got dressed.

He was talking to my mother on the phone only a few seconds ago when I sat on the couch in the living room downstairs. He took out a disposable camera, told me to smile, and took the picture.

It was this picture that remained in the family photo album for many years to come. There were a few other incidents that were as horrifying as my experience in the attic or even worse.

He even sexually abused me in his bosses' bedroom upstairs a few times. What I found very disturbing and annoying was that sometimes he would have perverted conversations while abusing me.

He would ask me questions about other boys' genitals, if they had grown hair around that area yet or if I knew what a girl's private area looked like.

I wasn't mentally prepared for these kinds of questions at this age. The abuse would have continued pass the age of twelve if he didn't have a life threatening experience.

He was a soldier in the Salvadoran Civil War. He had been shot in the leg and in the back of the neck. Throughout the years, without him ever suspecting, the bullet from the back of his neck was slowly traveling upwards.

It caused him severe headaches that used to last for several of hours. He was prescribed medication after the doctors discovered the bullet.

A risky surgical operation had to be performed in order to remove it. The doctors explained to him the procedure in detail and the fact that he might not survive the operation.

This is when the abuse suddenly stopped. We never discussed it. It was almost as if it never happened. A few years later as a teenager, I still had the memories, but I questioned myself if they really did occur.

I didn't want to wrongly accuse my father of something he never did. I never had the guts at the time to tell anyone about these memories, but deep inside I felt like they really did happen.

I remember my father having several conversations with church members at their homes or at church about his time in the Civil War.

They were arguing about all the illegitimate children my father had and how much it was costing them. And then there is another memory that was in the recesses of my mind.

She was adopted. Her mother gave her all the information she had on her blood mother when she was a teenager. There was no information in any of the records on her father.

Her mother was from Lancaster County and she got pregnant while in high school. She went to a home in Lancaster County for pregnant girls who were giving their babies up for adoption.

My therapist would tell me life for many adopted children is a hard road to traverse. It is reflected many ways in our society — from the prison population to alcohol and drug treatment centers.

Many people adopt, not for love of the child, but to fulfill their own needs — whatever they may be.

But, I digress. Back to the DNA test. You see, I know the odds are very small. But I have a list of so many things — and this one comes down to plain science.

It comes down to a I know I have half-brothers and sisters out there — I know it. But she, by the odds, is not one of them.

So, the big question is, if my brothers and sisters wrote a letter to a Dr. We told you she was crazy! She was born on St. I met her on the school bus to Mountville Elementary School when we were both in the 6th grade.

We became instant, inseparable friends. We remained best friends until the summer of That summer, I asked her to take a DNA test. Not a definitive answer for half-sisters — but an indication possibly quite strong that the possibility existed.

That summer in , I looked into her face and saw my father. I saw him as clear as day. For many years prior, and to this day, I look in the mirror and see her.

Tomorrow, the unusual reaction of my parents and brothers and sisters. And it got far stranger the weekend before last….

Please check back later today for a St. It is awful. It happens everywhere — in every corner of society — behind some of the prettiest front doors. Please check back later today….

Well, folks. I was confused and not for the first time I hear you all saying. In desperate need of some thinking time and with a great deal else to do — I thought Easter was this weekend.

Sadly, it is not. Five tragedies in a week. Please check back tomorrow…. I figured something out.

A list of questions and puzzles about my family and parents. The second floor was converted into one large room.

There were no divisions, no privacy. My two sisters and I shared it. There were two built-in dressers and across the end of the room, a built-in desk.

There was no furniture that was movable, other than a small table. My son likes to rearrange his room twice a year when the seasons change.

There was nothing to move. So, way down on my list, was why? Well, it came to me this past week. My parents were busy, busy, busy shipping pounds of books to the children of Lesotho.

Once, when my brother was visiting my parents several years ago, he found a book he loved as a child. So my brother asked my parents if he could take the book home with him to read to his two boys.

And none of their children ever, ever asked them for anything. And when you went home to visit you worked, because that was what was expected of you.

You mowed their lawn and chopped their wood and picked up sticks. People who molest their children are not nice people. Reprinted from IncestTragedy.

The incest house will be sold. The contents will be sold at a public auction on April Mark your calendars.

I hope the new owner bulldozes it immediately. Please check back tomorrow. And more is coming later today…. I know I said I would come back to the incest story after the holiday break — and I will.

You see, the big deal is that they not only took my childhood from me, they took my entire life. There will be much more after the Spring break and tomorrow I will do a news round-up before that break begins.

I also had to work two jobs to pay the McCaskey tuition. And my father would ultimately break us up — because the boyfriend knew the secret.

Marilyn Van Derbur. Stated to me by one of my siblings this weekend. Seven years of intolerable pain. Seven life changing years.

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